About 5 years ago I started going to church. Shortly after I joined the military and never returned to the church. Not for any specific reason, well there is but it doesn’t mean I couldn’t go to another church. Anyway. At that point, I still retained my faith in God and everything that comes with it. On election day 2012, my uncle passed away from cancer. That is still quite possibly the hardest thing in my life to accept that he’s gone and not coming back. I will talk about what a great man he was at some point.
After the passing of my uncle, I began to question a lot of things about my religion, faith, and God in general. I can’t really explain what happened to me other than my uncle’s passing that caused this change but these days I’m to a point that I just can’t believe. I’m not knocking anyone’s religion but it’s nearly impossible for me to believe in God at this point. Occasionally I get the fleeting thought that “just maybe,” and then it passes.
About a year ago I had to write a paper for a cultural diversity course I was taking. I had to write a paper based on one of 5 religions. I chose to write on Buddhism because it was something I had never given much thought to before. After completing my research for my paper and turning it in, about a week later I was still intrigued. I needed to know more. I am by no means an expert at this point, but I am still learning. Shouldn’t we always be learning? However, Buddhism speaks to me on a level that I have never experienced. It is hard to explain.
I don’t feel comfortable going into more depth because like I mentioned I’m not an expert but I do believe I have found something that can continue to help me grow as a person and I absolutely love that idea. Aside from the online world, I am essentially alone in this journey, but that is fine with me.
“I find hope in the darkest of days, and focus in the brightest. I do not judge the universe.” – Dalai Lama