When Darkness Creeps In

by | Jul 4, 2019 | Blog Posts | 1 comment

Not too long ago, the darkness crept in on me. There was nothing I could do to fight it, no matter what I did. My only option was to fight through it and hope that the light wasn’t too far off.

I remember it started on the Tuesday following Father’s Day. I was supposed to go to lunch with my dad, something I was looking forward to. Things didn’t quite turn out how I had imagined, so I spent the entire lunch wishing it was over. I even took the shameless “I need to use the restroom” trick to get a few minutes away. I tell you, if it had been a blind date, I would have left. More on that in another post.

After the lunch, I had my counseling appointment. That’s when my frustrations and the fact that I was up against something bigger than myself became painfully apparent.

Over the next week, it was a struggle to get anything done. That Friday, I called in sick to work, and spent the entire day rotating between my couch and the bed. Blinds drawn so my home was as dark as possible. You know, the typical depressive scene.

I spent a lot of that time angry that I was alive, wondering when it would go away, and just wondering how long I had left of this terrible episode.

I had the support of a few friends, mostly friends that I would make comments to like: “I wish this would go away”, “I hate this”, etc. Nothing too specific, nothing that really encompassed my actual pain that I was experiencing. None-the-less, I knew that they were there for me.

The difference between this episode and others in the past, is that I had people there for me. I have a wonderful counselor whom I have been seeing on a weekly basis for about 7 months now, coworkers who have become personal friends, and others that I could reach out to and let know that I was struggling.

I never realized how much value there was in having people like that around. I didn’t realize that even though they may not know how to help you, they will still be there for whatever you need at the time. They’re the ones that you can still hold a normal conversation with and don’t treat you like you’re broken, even though you feel more broken than anything in the world at that moment in time.

I’m so thankful that the darkness doesn’t come to visit me very often, i’m not as skilled in dealing with it as I am my anxiety.

How do you deal with the darkness when it comes to visit?

1 Comment

  1. humanprobably

    I listen to the saddest, most depressing music I have in my playlists. This might seem counter-intuitive, but for me, it feels like the songs are holding my emotions for me.
    I take walks. I write, if I’m able. Sometimes I’ll reach out to a friend not to tell them I’m struggling but just to distract myself with whatever conversation can be found. Sometimes I’ll reach out to vent. I try to make sure to eat food, and drink liquids. Get to bed at a reasonable time.

    One person’s method of fighting the darkness might not work for another person, so it’s good to pay attention, if you can, to anything you try that seems to help, and then try it again in the future.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Medication and Mental Health

Although it is no different than taking insulin for diabetes, or medication for high blood pressure; taking medication for mental health is joined by a stigma. The medication was something that I...

Coronavirus and Mental Health

Coronavirus has changed the way we go about our daily lives.  Increased isolation, changes in routine, social distancing, and fear have all had a worldwide impact, especially related to mental...

On Borderline Personality Disorder and Life

Mental illnesses are considered invisible illnesses because they don't have a "look", and Borderline Personality Disorder falls into this category. You can't look at someone and know if they are...

15 Bible Verses for Mental Health

I wanted to do a post on some Bible verses that have meaning to me because I haven't shared a whole lot lately about my Faith, but it is important to me. I am still growing and learning, as are most...

Reflecting on “That Day”

No one wants to go to the hospital. Let alone go for anything related to mental illness. I was the same. Thankfully, I have people who were able to make sure I was taken care of. However, I made...

Shame and Embarrassment in Counseling

I've been in counseling for a while and started seeing a new counselor in May. It has been an eye-opening experience. The sessions have pushed me harder and further than I have been in the past. In...

“That Day” Episode 3

This is the final episode of the "That Day" trilogy and how my mental illness tried to take me out. Episodes One and Two are up for your viewing. Thursday Morning They let us know that breakfast had...

“That Day” Episode 2

You can read part 1 here. When we arrived and told them what was going on, I was taken back right away and put in a room with my parents. Still crying, but had resolved myself to the fact that this...

“That Day” Episode 1

***Potential Trigger Warning*** I previously shared the experience I had with being more open about my mental illness at work. You can read more about that here. In February 2020, I was extremely...

Mental Illness and the Workplace

I spent a good portion of my life struggling on my own; knowing something was “different” about me but I never had the support to help me get answers. Walking around aimlessly, I lived off of...

Subscribe

Categories

Subscribe

Join our mailing list to receive the latest blog posts and updates from The Art of Mental Illness.

You have Successfully Subscribed!

%d bloggers like this: