Nothing too significant happened today. I got my car back, and paid a pretty penny for a new ignition cylinder, plus towing and labor. That sucked.
As much as that sucked I’m extremely thankful that I have my job because rather than borrowing money, I didn’t even flinch when I had to pay them, whether or not it made us a little short on cash.
I felt decent most of the day, emotionally. Tonight is a different story. I have been laying in bed for nearly an hour now. I just feel exhausted, alone, and confused. I have so many questions about my life that I wish were answered. Yet the problem always becomes that I’m too embarrassed to be honest and talk to anyone about them because of what they might think of me.
The past 2 months I’ve been asked countless times if I was thinking of killing myself. My response is always no. The truth is, yes, it has crossed my mind, many times. The other part to that truth is that there’s still hope deep down inside me that thinks everything will work out. That’s what keeps me from going any further.
I’m going to take some time the next few days to just spill as much as I can. I need to get a lot out there, for my sake.
Until next time.
“What does not destroy me, makes me strong.” – Friedrich Nietzsche