I have a secret

by | Aug 26, 2014 | Blog Posts | 0 comments

I put a man, specifically a police officer, in prison.

I’m not going to give dates, years, or names in order to protect myself, because the FBI didn’t do a very good job of protecting me.

When I was younger, I was vulnerable. Extremely vulnerable. This police officer, turned prisoner, was someone I looked up to. He had been there for me when no one else had.  Then, he took advantage of me.

I had just gotten out of the hospital for a suicide attempt. The police officer was one of the first I contacted when I got home. He told me that he was glad that I was doing okay. My birthday was right around the corner, so he wanted to take me out to eat.

I agreed and a few days after my birthday, he picked me up to go eat. My mom was aware of this and had no issues.

In the week leading up to him taking me to eat, the conversation on his end turned inappropriate. Like always, when someone did that to me, I ignored it.

He picked me up that day and we went out to a nearby restaurant.  After we ate dinner we went to a local park to hang out. That was when things got a little overwhelming, and I will probably skip most of the details for my sanity.

It was starting to get dark and I wanted to go home. My mom called me out of the blue and asked where I was, and for whatever reason that night I decided to tell her, which was abnormal.

She told me to come home soon, and had some hesitation in her voice. It wasn’t until later that I discovered why.
We were still sitting at the park and I mentioned that I should probably go home. He agreed.

About that time a maroon chevy impala drove through the parking lot, very slowly. We thought it was weird but I knew that people sometimes came back there to do drugs and what not. It pulled around and left.

That was when He decided it was time to go. At that point, a marked police car pulled up in front of us and asked for IDs. He gave the officer his, and I didn’t have one. Then, I looked at the entrance of the park, which was a long road to the left of us and saw about 5 cars lined up, one behind the other.  That’s all I could see because the field started.

I looked at him and said whatever is happening, it’s not good. That’s about the time that 15 cars pulled into the parking lot and surrounded the truck we were in. I hadn’t a clue what was going on.

They asked him to step out of the vehicle and asked if there was any weapons, to which the officer replied that there was a loaded handgun in the armrest. They left me sitting there, confused and scared.

Once they took him into custody they asked me to step out.  I did. They asked me questions, and I gave answers. Eventually I was taken to the local police department by an FBI agent for questioning. I will leave the details of that out as well.

It was about 3am before I finally was taken home that night. I laid on the couch and cried my eyes out. The next morning I called my best friend and she came to get the heap of tears that was me.

I lost a lot of things that night, one of those things was my willingness to trust people. I cut my hair short, I dressed like a guy, in order to hide myself so no one would look at me twice, or even once. 

I also lost two of the most important people in my life. They were police officers at the local department that was doing the investigation. I was left helpless. Keeping in mind this all occurred a week after getting out of the hospital for a suicide attempt. I was nothing but tears for days after the event. There were a few occasions that I accidentally ran into the two officers who had a gag order placed on them.  That turned me into a mess.

Every day of my life, I think about him and what he did to me. The pain is still as real as the night everything happened to me.  In the near future, he will be getting out of prison.  The fear, anxiety, and sadness I feel from that is a lot to handle.

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